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change is happening, as much as you don't want it to happen, as much as you feel like you haven't taught your kiddo everything that they need to know. A big change is coming in your life, so don't try to resist it or pretend that it's not there. Don't hold on so tightly that you can't see the new journey that you're about to embark on.

Speaker 2: 0:18

Welcome to this Empty Nest Life. Join Jay Ramsden as he leads you on a transformative journey through the uncharted seas of midlife and empty nesting. If you're ready to embark on this new adventure and redefine your future, you're in the right place. Here's your host, the empty nest coach, Jay Ramsden.

Speaker 1: 0:37

Hello, my empty nest friends, and welcome back to this empty nest life. It is so good to have you here today as I take a look at the unexpected adventures of life after kids, after they leave home. It's that time of year, right now, may June when so many parents are having that oh crap, my life is changing moment. It's high school graduation, it's college graduation. It's a time of life where you're looking at this and saying you know what this really sucks, sucks the wind out of me, sucks the winds out of your sails, and it makes you pause and wonder what's next. Sure, okay, this is a normal part of life and if we've done our jobs as parents, the kids are supposed to grow up and move on. But you know what? It doesn't make it any easier.

Speaker 1: 1:24

Today I'm diving into this topic of change, that 180 degree pivot. That can feel terrifying, it can feel nerve wracking and uneasy, but you know what? It can also be a little exhilarating, and you may not believe me if you're listening to this and you're a parent of a high school senior or a college senior who just graduated. It can be a little exhilarating. Now you have concerns, perhaps around your identity and your loss of purpose and relationships that you have in your life with a partner or spouse, your kids, who are now going to be pushing the boundaries of independence a little bit. So let's get into it. So today I'm going to share a little bit about some of the big changes in my own life that spurred me to start my own adventures, and then also offer some tips and tricks for just not surviving this time in life, but for thriving thriving through this transition and the transitions to come.

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So here you are. You're smack in the middle of the inevitable pivot from 24-7 parent to part-time parent. It's almost like having a W-2 job where you have a regular salary, and then you become this 1099 part-time person. That's what it feels like for a lot of folks and it's something you see coming. Let's be honest, you see it coming the day that your kids are in kindergarten. You know that this day is coming, but it's also something you never truly prepare for and before you know it, it's graduation time. Maybe it happened already, maybe it's happening here in the early part of June, and then, all of a sudden, the summer flies by. I don't want to worry you, it does fly by and that kid of yours is off to college or off to work, or perhaps they're going into the military. If they're doing that, thank you for their service. But you know what the change? This change this time in life? It's inevitable, especially during the empty nest years.

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Change happens frequently, but what you didn't fully understand was the weight of the emotions you are experiencing. It's like we spend so much time focused on raising our kids that when they finally fly the coop, we're left wondering okay, now what? Listen, it's completely normal to feel a sense of loss, a loss of purpose, or even a little bit lost yourself. Your identity has been so wrapped up in being a parent for so long. It's natural to feel a little bit unmoored from your anchor, if you will, when the role shifts. So how do you navigate this inevitable pivot?

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Well, the first thing, it's important to acknowledge that change is happening. Whether you want to or not, change is happening. As much as you don't want it to happen, as much as you feel like you haven't taught your kiddo everything that they need to know. A big change is coming in your life. So don't try to resist it or pretend that it's not there. I recommend embracing it. I know that sounds a little scary, but try embracing it, looking at it as it's an opportunity for growth. And you may hear that from a lot of people and you're like I need to grieve now and you do. You need to grieve the loss of what was this house that's full of energy and perhaps you were the house where all the kids went to and it was vibrant and alive. And it may be that way this summer a little bit. Or it may be that your kids are pulling away and they're going to other people's houses and that's all part of the normal process. But I want you to think of this as a new journey, especially when you get into the fall. But start thinking about that now. Don't hold on so tightly that you can't see the new journey that you're about to embark on. Sure, absolutely. You're still a parent. You'll always be mom or dad. You'll always be their parent, for that matter. But you'll quickly become more of an advisor than a daily teacher or keeper of the logistics of their lives. This pivotal moment it's happening. Logistics of their lives. This pivotal moment it's happening and the more you fight it, the more you resist it, the more you desire or wish you could have a little more time, the harder the transition will be Now. I wish I had been more prepared for this time.

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When my kids launched and my son had graduated college the year before my daughter, and then my daughter was getting ready to graduate this was all in the spring of 2022. And in one week we moved both of them into their adult apartments. And my daughter moved in the month before she was to graduate so that she could get ready to spring and launch. And then my son had spent a little bit of time living with us after graduation and found a job. And then he, a week later, we moved into his first apartment, his first adult apartment. They were both getting ready to join the workforce. And then, in an instant, just like that, my job as Mr Logistics, done over nada, complete nothing.

Speaker 1: 6:12

And when you layer into that equation that my wife and I had just moved 10 months earlier to a new place for my wife's work there was a promotion there there was this overwhelming sense of what the heck do I do now Like? Who am I? Who am I if I'm not taking care of everyone in my family? That was my role, right Making sure everybody had to be where they were supposed to be doing laundry and taking care of all of the meals and lunches and carpools and everything like that. But all of a sudden it just stopped, even though the kids were kind of living with us, but not, it just stopped. The question was like what is my life supposed to look like right now? So many frigging questions, so many frigging questions Right now.

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I imagine you're probably stuck between thinking okay, jay, it's easier said than done to prepare for this time in life and totally feel that pain. And you're right, as humans, change is very hard. What I like to say is that there's always a challenge involved when there's a change. But I also like to think of it a little bit differently, like there's actually change in any challenge we face. So do me a favor, grab a piece of paper and a pen, not if you're driving, if you're doing something that requires other attention.

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Don't do this, but try and imagine it in your head. So write down the word challenge C-H-A-L-L-E-N-G-E challenge. Now circle the letters L-L-E in the middle. If you look closely, now that L-L-E is circled, change C-H-A and N-G-E surrounds the word challenge, but that's not what I want you to focus on. What I want you to focus on is in the middle, the heart of it. If you will, it's the most important piece, that L-L-E. I want you to focus on that. Can you see it? And if you've written it down, obviously you can see it. If you're driving, can you imagine the L-L-E right there? This is your sign to let life evolve.

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L-l-e, let life evolve. L-l-e, let life evolve. And as a parent, that is so hard because we want to control so much. We spend a lifetime of controlling our kids, not in a bad way, but just trying to teach them everything, to have them organized, to prepare the path for them, prepare them for the path. There's lots of different things that we do as parents, but now it's time to let life evolve for them, prepare them for the path. There's lots of different things that we do as parents, but now it's time to let life evolve.

Speaker 1: 8:41

Folks, that's my mantra. It's my mantra for dealing with change. Let life evolve, embrace the unknown, be open to new possibilities and trust that you're capable of handling whatever comes your way. I get it, I get it. I get it, I get it. As a parent, it might seem like that's not quite possible, that embracing this new phase in life just isn't a reasonable expectation. I hear you. I remember it. I remember it, but, as I mentioned, my wife's new job back in 2021 meant a very big move for us.

Speaker 1: 9:11

So, after spending 30 years in education, I was facing a career pivot At the time. After spending 30 years in education, I was facing a career pivot. At the time. It was exciting, but it was also a little scary. Okay, maybe it was a lot scary, but at times it's still scary.

Speaker 1: 9:24

For me, as an entrepreneur and a newly minted adventure seeker, I guess that makes me an adventurepreneur. Is that even a word, Adventurepreneur? What isn't scary, though, is that I get to help thousands of people every day through my work as an Empty Nest coach, whether they see my walks and talks on TikTok or Instagram, if they read my blog or they join one of my masterclasses, or even if they work with me directly, one-on-one. I continue to make a difference in this world. I did it when I was in education, I'm doing it now. I get to teach and serve, and I get to continue to learn and grow myself. Not going to lie, I'm in an enviable position, but at the same time, it's still a little scary.

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That's life. Life is always going to be scary, but what I want to encourage you to think about is that you can do things, even when it's a little scary, even if you're afraid. You can be afraid and still kick ass. You can be afraid and still do the hard thing. You can be afraid and still continue to move forward in your life. That's what this time is for. This is what this emptiness life is all about. What I want you to remember, too, is that when you're feeling overwhelmed by change especially for those who are new to emptiness and this summer is going to be a little nutty take a deep breath and remind yourself LLE, let life evolve. Okay, so how do you actually let life evolve?

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I came across an article in Psychology Today by Dr Stephanie Sarkis that offers some great tips for coping with big changes, and I wanted to share them with you All right. Number one acknowledge that things are changing. Don't deny the change. Accept it as reality. Number two realize that even good changes, like the kids growing up and moving on, can cause stress. Stress is a natural reaction to change, whether it's positive change or negative change.

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Number three keep your regular schedule as much as possible, especially during the hectic times of the summer and moving kids into school. Maintain your routines to provide a sense of stability and normalcy. If you don't have a routine, create one. Try and anchor your mornings around something, your afternoons around something and your evenings around something. Next, try to eat as healthy as possible. It's natural reaction to stress to eat whatever's in front of us, but it is important to limit your carbs and your sugar during this time. Trust me, it'll help. Exercise, even just a short walk, can make a big difference in your mood and energy levels. Even a 10 or 15 minute walk around the block.

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If things are too stressful at the house, if your kids aren't listening to you, if they're pushing away, if they're trying to cause this natural rift between you and them before school starts and you need a break nobody's listening to you, you don't feel like you're being heard. Take a short break. Take a walk. Next, seek support. Talk to friends, family, hire a coach. Get in touch with your feelings and your concerns. Like I feel that that should be number one on this list, not buried towards the bottom.

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Next, write down the positives that have come from the change. Focus on the opportunities for growth and new experiences. Spend five minutes writing what is possible for you now that the kids are leaving. Think about that for a moment. Spend five minutes writing down until your brain can't think of anything else. Next, get proactive. Take charge of the situation and work preventatively to overcome your challenges. Don't just sit back. Communicate with your family. Ask everybody what's going on, ask what their expectations are for the fall, when maybe the oldest is going off or maybe the last one is going off. Don't forget about the pets. They are affected by this change too. I encourage you to vent, but to a point. Vent to your support group, but don't over-talk or over-think the situation, and perhaps even back away from social media. Don't compare your life to others' highlight reels. So often it's easy to get stuck in reels on Instagram or Facebook or TikToks. Right Next thing you know you're three hours deep and you're in the river of misery. Perhaps back away from that for a little bit.

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Another important topic in this time, this transition, is your relationships Relationships with your partner or spouse, if you have one. Relationships with your siblings, if you have them. Relationships with your kids, who are now going to be adulting, because relationships often do change during the empty nest phase. The dynamics with your partner may shift as you rediscover each other outside of parenting. Your relationship with your adult children will evolve as they become increasingly independent. Remember, you become this part-time parent now. You won won't be with them 24-7. You won't be in the know like you used to be in the know. That's going to change. Don't let it cause a rift. Continue to open the lines of communication, because it's important to communicate openly with your loved ones about your feelings and your expectations. Be patient too. Be patient and understanding as everyone adjusts to this new normal.

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Here's a little quick wellness resource. According to the Mayo Clinic, healthy relationships require communication, respect and boundaries. Make sure you're setting healthy boundaries with your adult children as they navigate their own lives. So often we've spent a lot of time being available to them, being quick with an answer. It's okay to say to your kids that's interesting, what are you going to do about it? It gets them to think, it gets them to take responsibility and that's okay to create those sorts of boundaries.

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One of the biggest challenges of an empty nest is trying to find new purpose. Your kids are off exploring new things. This is your chance to explore life as well. You may often hear people say get a hobby. If you Google empty nest syndrome, get a hobby is the number one thing, but I don't believe that is where you start, because you don't replace parenting full-time with a hobby. That's just not possible. Now you may ultimately arrive at having hobbies and things you like to do, but that's not where you start.

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Empty nesting is a time to rediscover yourself. It's a time to create a life that's fulfilling and meaningful outside of your children. Start to explore what you might find interesting. Add something to your daily, weekly or monthly routines as a reminder. Create a routine if you don't have one, and then add things to it.

Speaker 1: 15:55

According to Tony Robbins, passion can be ignited when you feel a sense of contribution, growth and gratitude. If you ask me, that sounds a lot like parenting, so use that as the starting point for what comes next for you. Now Ask yourself what can I contribute to now, how can I continue to grow as a person and how might I practice gratitude with some regularity? I also encourage you not to be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Try new things and see what sparks your interest.

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The emptiness years are a time of significant change, and I consider the emptiness years between the time your kids launch and the time you or your partner or spouse retires. That is the emptiness years to me, but there's also a time of incredible opportunity here, with that significant change. It's a chance to rediscover yourself. It's a chance to pursue new things and it's an opportunity to create a life that's truly fulfilling for you. It may have been incredibly fulfilling to be a 24-7 parent, from the time the kids were born, that very first day, until they launched, but it doesn't mean that you can't continue to create a life that's fulfilling for you.

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Moving forward, don't wait. Do not wait. Start to do it now. Don't wait for the kids to finish college. Don't wait for that engagement. Don't wait for the wedding. Don't wait for the grandbabies. Don't wait for retirement. Take advantage of life now. That is what I want you to remember. But most of all, here are three takeaways from today's episode. Acknowledge that change, keep a regular schedule and take care of yourself, my friends. But most importantly, it's okay to let life evolve. Okay. Thanks for tuning in to this Empty Nest Life this week. I hope this episode has inspired you to embrace the change and create a life that's full of purpose and joy.

Speaker 2: 17:54

And until next time, take care, my friends, Are you ready to start living and enjoying your empty nest years? If so, head over to jasonramsdencom and click work with me to get the conversation started. This Empty Nest Life is a production of Impact One Media LLC. All rights reserved.