Speaker 1: 0:00

It's necessary for us to let go and move on, to make space in our lives for the next great adventure. The end of our journey was a necessary ending. Necessary endings happen all the time in our lives and while we wanted to continue to go and continue to capture the magic of the Camino and the magic of Spain, it was a necessary ending so that we could continue to move forward with our lives.

Speaker 2: 0:22

Welcome to this Empty Nest Life. Join Jay Ramston as he leads you on a transformative journey through the uncharted seas of midlife and empty nesting. If you're ready to embark on this new adventure and redefine your future, you're in the right place. Here's your host, the Empty Nest Coach, Jay Ramston.

Speaker 1: 0:41

Hello, my Empty Nest friends, and welcome back to this emptiness life For today. Well, today I'm going solo and moving forward. You can expect some solo episodes as well as some more guests. I've got big plans for the show, so make sure you stay tuned. Returned from a recent adventure that taught me a ton about myself, about connecting with other people and embracing the journey that we're on.

Speaker 1: 1:10

So last week I embarked on a journey to walk the Camino de Santiago, or, more accurately, a portion of it. Specifically, I walked a portion of the Camino Portugues. It's a pilgrimage across the northwest part of Spain, which is known as Galicia. Now, some people well, they walk the Camino for religious reasons, some for spiritual reasons, some they just see if they can do it right, walk day after day after day. For me it was partly spiritual and partly to see if I could walk for several days straight for roughly about 12 miles a day, give or take. But mostly for me it was about stepping outside my comfort zone, and if you're a regular listener to this show, you know stepping outside your comfort zone is something I talk about a lot. But I wanted to see what I could learn about myself on this journey and also what I could learn about others. So on this journey I was walking with friends, and I say sort of friends. I've known these folks for about 18 months. I met them as part of a hiking group that I belong to. So I literally left Boston with five people I've known for a short amount of time and then actually one person that I really didn't get to know until I got to the departure gate. Let me tell you something Travel, especially challenging travel like heading to a foreign country where no one but myself spoke the language. That is a fast trip to getting to know people pretty well. So I just want to share a little bit of that journey here today in snippets. So I took some time to journal a little bit while I was on this journey. So here's a little bit from day one. It was five days in total, so you get a little bit of snippets and things that I've learned along the way and then some grounding, some of it in psychology that'll help you kind of as you're on your journey as well. So from day one a little snippet.

Speaker 1: 3:09

Day one was a complete whirlwind. Traveling to a different country you leave. We left Boston around 4.30. We got in to Madrid around 5.30 in the morning. The next day we had to make our way to our next gate to go from Madrid to Vigo, which is where we are starting our journey, and it was this kind of we get there, we get settled, we drop our bags, we explore Vigo for the day. It is go, go, go, go, go. We come back to the hotel, we get an opportunity to rest a little bit. I took a chance to take a little bit of a nap before we were going to go out to dinner that night. But what I found about the very next day, day one of our journey, which was the 10th of May breakfast at the hotel didn't start until 8 am, which was an amazing thing, because sleep was so desperately needed from the long day of travel before and exploring the city of Vigo.

Speaker 1: 4:04

Even simple things like breakfast on this trip were an experience. You met people from all over the world, whether it was at breakfast in the morning or at cafes or as you were walking, but places like Canada and Germany and Alaska and Connecticut those are just a couple of examples and everyone on this journey had a story. Everyone had their own reason for doing this and, as you get used to being on the Camino and spending some time traveling and moving forward each day and meeting lots of different people, your experience becomes kind of the experience of others. So this is what psychologists call social comparison. When we're in new situations like this, we naturally look to others to gauge our own experiences and feelings. So, for example, the first three days it rained for most of our journey, off and on for two days and then pretty straight on the third day. And so naturally, as humans, we look to others to develop kind of our own experiences and feelings, and sometimes we take on the experiences of others. So if we're struggling, then people might also feel as if they were struggling too. However, here's the cool thing right Meeting people from different backgrounds. They bring different experiences to it. So whether we're on the Camino or elsewhere in life, you can really broaden your perspectives and challenge our assumptions about ourselves and the world by taking time to learn from others.

Speaker 1: 5:36

So my big lesson from that first day was slowing down, and here's why we were headed. I don't know we were maybe halfway through day one and we were headed down a path and then there was a little path that went up pretty vertical, up on the mountain on the backside of us and it said three and a half kilometers up to a cafe. And this is what I wrote in my journal. As we approached, a man was coming down the hill and he said hey, there are 15 people in line up there. And of course our fast paced US brains kicked right in and we started to walk away until my friend Renee said hey, what's the rush? We literally have all day to go. Three more miles. And for a group of people who do lots of miles on the weekends, saturday walks and Sunday hiking three miles is something that can go by pretty quickly for us. And I tell you what. It was such a smart move to slow down in that moment. Because we got to the top of the cafe and let me tell you it was amazing, had great views of the city of Vigo, into Redondela, and the owner of the shop was amazing. There were lots of different people that were in the cafe from all over, some from Spain, some were from Germany, some were from the UK, but it's a good reminder Like that experience was a really good reminder for us to like slow down in our lives, and it's easy for us to get caught up in the rush of daily life, especially as empty nesters.

Speaker 1: 7:11

Right, we have a rush, or if you're preparing for an empty nest, you're rushing to get through graduation and summer and preparing to pack and move and all of those good things, and then there's silence and then we try and fill that time and so we want to continue rushing around as well. But let me tell you, sometimes it's just the best thing in the world if we just take a breath. We just stop and take a breath. So that was kind of the lesson from day one. The other part of taking a journey like the Camino is reflection. Reflection is an important part of any journey you're on, whether it's life in general or the Camino, but take some time to reflect. So here's something we started doing at dinner Each evening. We started a tradition of what is called crumb and cookie, and I absolutely love that concept crumb and the cookie. So at the end of each day, at the meal, after the meal was done, our group of seven would share a crumb something that's not so great from the day and then also a cookie something that was amazing from the day, and it's really a great practice for gratitude and a little bit of resilience, so we can see, okay, what wasn't so great and how can we flip it around and make it better.

Speaker 1: 8:25

My cookie that day wasn't necessarily the amazing views from the cafe. It could have certainly well have been. It was an amazing spot to take a break, have a coffee, have a little something to eat. But in my journal I wrote the cookie was getting to know these people. I can remember these people I had known for only about 18 months and then literally just walking with them or hiking with them on a Saturday or Sunday, and again the other person was someone I had just met. So these new friends of mine, like getting to know them a little bit better, was my cookie from that first day.

Speaker 1: 8:57

And this is this is interesting because if you look at I did a little bit of research and I looked at like Harvard Medical School, there was a blog post that says when you focus on the positive aspects of your day, even when things are tough and let me tell you, when it was raining day after day, things felt tough for some folks it's really a key strategy for improving our mental well-being. So that's the takeaway here when you focus on the positive aspects of your day, it can really help to improve your mental health and studies show that practicing gratitude can increase happiness and reduce stress. Now I'm not saying you have to start a gratitude journal and like keep it that way, but just pausing for a minute and reflecting on the day, do kind of like a debrief and say what was my cookie from the day, what was my crumb from the day, how can I continue to lean into the cookies of my life, and then also how can I take a look at the crumbs that show up a little bit differently? So as we began our journey that second day, we quickly learned kind of how unexpected connections come together. So for me there was a reminder that even hard things can be rewarding. That surfaced. So in my journal.

Speaker 1: 10:07

I wrote, as we started our journey in day, two words from the lead guide. We had met a group of folks from Chicago who were a lot bigger than our group, but that the lead guide said listen, today is going to be a very hard five hours, and that was the trip that we were going from Ella up to Ponte Vedra. And he said listen, it's going to be a hard day. And at the time when he said it to us. I dismissed it as no big deal. Like our group hikes, regularly, we put in the miles, we do the work. But let me tell you, little did I know how much foreshadowing had happened at breakfast, just a little bit earlier that day. It was difficult, this city. It was like an up and up and up and up. It was like someone quipped that does this town ever have a stop at the top? So it was hard, but along the way we met so many interesting people. I continued in my journal.

Speaker 1: 11:20

This walk is truly a melting pot of all different humans looking to find their way to lighten their load and to leave behind unspoken burdens On the journey. You never speak to someone for more than maybe five or 15 minutes, somewhere in that range, because people move at different paces. But throughout those conversations you always leave a little better for having met them. And the Camino seems to have this way of attracting people who are ready for a change in their lives, who are ready to experience new things. And the equivalent here for your own journey in life is like how can you grab onto the thought of everybody that you meet could change the way you think about things? Let that sink in for a minute. Everybody you meet along your journey in life could help you think about things a little bit differently Now, by day three, I started to realize this trip was as much about self-discovery as it was about the scenery.

Speaker 1: 12:17

And let me tell you, the scenery was phenomenal. Even with the rain, the countryside in Spain is incredible. We walked through towns and villages and farmland, and every stop that we made was just as breathtaking as the last one. It just was like this endless stream of incredible photos and paintings in our minds that we could see. Now I continue to write. Each of us on this trip have unique gifts that make us who we are and also make us a part of a whole. And I was referring to the group, the group of people that I had spent some time getting to know here over the last 18 months, but really started to get to know on this journey. And here's what I learned and I share, so that you can take a little bit away for yourself. As you look around life and as you meet new people, it's like what can you take away from them and incorporate into your own life? So here's what I learned from each of the people I was making the journey on. So Trish, who is the captain? I would say I call her the captain of our Not Dead Yet crew. That's what we call ourselves. We're not dead yet. That's why we keep doing these adventures.

Speaker 1: 13:27

She came into my life to remind me that gratitude should be an important part of our lives, not just once in a while, but every single day. That's her superpower. She does a gratitude post every Monday on Facebook and it's just a reminder that gratitude is an important part of our lives. Then her husband, david. He's the medic of our crew. Former military guy. He came into my life to remind me to just be me. Crew former military guy. He came into my life to remind me to just be me. No walls, no filters and no hiding what I most love about life. His superpower is being unapologetically himself and having a passion for life and for love for the people in it. His energy is without compare. In it, his energy is without compare.

Speaker 1: 14:16

Renee. She was our crew's free spirit. She came into my life to remind me that I could stand to be less of a people pleaser and more of a not putting up with the bullshit that often plagues our lives. That's her superpower, and there's something to be said for that. Sue, who's the newest member of our crew and the one that I just met at the gate at Logan. She came into my life to remind me that it's not a bad thing to say what's on your mind, because otherwise how would anyone really know what I'm thinking? That's what I glean from her. That's her superpower. Then there's Mary, the Master Chief's Chief. You'll make this connection in a second when I talk about Rich, but she's the master chief's chief. She came into my life to remind me that we can always do new things and try new experiences, no matter when we start in life, and that being on the edge can be a really good thing. That's her superpower. Being on the edge is when we climb mountains. She likes to be close to the edge. She likes to see what's there, which is an amazing thing when you think about it. And then, finally, Rich, her husband, mary's husband. He is our master chief and chief navigator when we're doing things at home. He came into my life to remind me that it's really good to listen way more than I speak, so that when I do say something, people listen and take notice. That is his superpower, and it's a pretty important one to remember Now.

Speaker 1: 15:42

These journal entries. They all highlight the importance of self-awareness and recognizing your strengths and weaknesses. And as empty nesters, you have a unique opportunity to redefine yourself right now and explore new passions. Your kids are off exploring new passions. They're trying to figure out who they are. You have the same opportunity and, as you understand your gifts and the gifts of those around you, you can create a more fulfilling life. And I know that might seem unimaginable that your kids were the reason right that you exist, that you, they fulfilled your life up until this point. But now it's time to pivot. Emptiness is an opportunity to pivot and create a more fulfilling life. Not to say that being a parent isn't fulfilling enough, but now it's tenfold. You can add on top of it.

Speaker 1: 16:34

So much learning happened for me in the first three days on the Camino and let me tell you, days four and five did not disappoint either. Day four, day four, was all about slowing down and appreciating the moment I wrote in my journal somewhere between the raindrops of the first three days and the pangs of FOMO and working to stay up with the group, I had somehow lost sight of my own superpower. I talked about the superpowers of the others in the group, but I needed to be reminded of what my superpower was, and it was noted by my friend Trish, when she responded to my post about everyone else's superpower. She said when you have a dream, jay, you make it happen, and along the way, stopping to smell the roses is the best part of the journey. That reminder is what your superpower is. That's what you bring to the table. So it was time for me to make my own way on day four.

Speaker 1: 17:30

Now. I stayed with a group off and on that day but I slowed my pace I chose to speak to different people and as we started to enter the city of Padron, where we would be staying for night four, we had about a mile left to go to the hotel. We had walked through some farm field and we started walking along the Saar River. And as I made that right-hand turn to head towards the city center, I received a sign to stop. Okay, it wasn't a sign from above, it was a sign from my stomach, because I was pretty hungry at this point. It was about maybe almost three in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten since breakfast. So I stopped. I sat on a rock. I enjoyed the lunch I had packed, which was a sandwich that I had made at breakfast earlier in the day, two tangerines and a cookie from the previous night's hotel. That was the sweet spot for the day.

Speaker 1: 18:22

Now, why was this important? Mindfulness? Mindfulness, which is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without any judgment, is a powerful tool for reducing stress and enhancing well-being. So, for me, taking time to savor a meal, to appreciate the beauty of nature and to simply just breathe deeply by myself next to the river, that helped me reconnect with myself. And you can do the same thing, right. That helped me reconnect with myself. And you can do the same thing, right. You can find joy in everyday moments by just taking a moment to pause, to savor a meal, to appreciate the beauty of what's around you and to reconnect with yourself and with others.

Speaker 1: 19:01

Now, the final day. It's day five. I'm starting to feel the weight of the journey. The people I had walked with hit me. The people in my own group, the people that I had met from all over the world, each with a different story and a different reason for walking the Camino. I wrote in my journal when I think about the last few days with this crew, my not dead yet peeps, and also the people that I've met along the way. I am just incredibly awestruck with what humans can accomplish when they have a final destination in mind.

Speaker 1: 19:36

Let me tell you, the Camino is an arduous journey. It's not hard but it's arduous. Some people may debate those two words as being the same, but let me tell you it is also an incredible journey, filled with highlights and lowlights. It's filled with ways that you learn as much about others as you do about yourself, and in the end, it's necessary for us to let go and move on, to make space in our lives for the next great adventure. The end of our journey was a necessary ending. Necessary endings happen all the time in our lives and while we wanted to continue to go and continue to capture the magic of the Camino and the magic of Spain, it was a necessary ending so that we could continue to move forward with our lives.

Speaker 1: 20:25

So I'm going to ask you, my friends, what's your Camino? It doesn't have to be an epic walk, but what's the adventure that's calling to you now that you're an empty nester? Maybe it's a physical journey, like the Camino de Santiago. Maybe it's a new hobby, a new career or a deeper exploration of your own inner landscape. Whatever it is.

Speaker 1: 20:45

I encourage you to take that first step and if you're ready, if you'd like some help figuring out what that next step should be, I encourage you to head over to thisemptinesslifecom. There you can learn more about working with me to design your next chapter and create a life that's both meaningful and fulfilling and isn't that what life is all about? You can do it, my friends. I totally believe in you, a hundred percent%. There are so many things. There's so much time in this life. Do not wait. Don't wait. Take advantage of it now. While your kids are exploring life, you too should be exploring life as well. All right, my friends, thank you for joining me today, and until next time, don't forget. Embrace the journey and remember your greatest adventure may just be around the corner.

Speaker 2: 21:32

Are you ready to start living and enjoying your empty nest years? If so, head over to jasonramsdencom and click work with me to get the conversation started. This Empty Nest Life is a production of Impact. One Media LLC. All rights reserved.