Opening & Joy’s Origin Story

SPEAKER_02 0:00

So I stumbled on coaching and I never knew that there was something called neuroplasticity that we could actually change our thought process to get different results. That was an eye-opening the process for me discovering that I could actually change my thinking so I could change my results. So it was a process of identifying all of those belief systems, all of those thoughts that made me think I wasn't worthy of success.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Welcome to this Empty Nest Life, the podcast dedicated to helping you embrace this transformative season with purpose, passion, and joy. In each episode, we explore stories, strategies, and insights to help turn your empty nest into an exciting new chapter. Whether you're redefining your identity, pursuing new passions, or finding peace in the pause, you're in the right place. Here's your host, the Empty Nest coach, Jay Ramsden.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Hey there, my emptiness friends. If you're feeling like you need to rebuild your confidence, redefine what success looks like now that the kids have left home and are maybe ready to reclaim your power emotionally, socially, or financially, then today's episode is for you. Today I'm joined in studio by Joy Rowland, and she's a mentor, speaker, and host of the Next Level Women podcast. I have to tell you, Joy's journey is nothing short of inspiring. She grew up in poverty and survived childhood abuse. She wrestled with imposter syndrome, fear, and that feeling that maybe success wasn't just for her. But we're gonna get into all of that and more right now. Joy, welcome to this emptiness life.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

Thank you so much, Jay, for having me. I love your podcast, and I feel it's like it's such a huge privilege being here today.

Poverty, Purpose & Leaving Nigeria

SPEAKER_01 1:45

So thank you. Thank you for being on the show and for being a listener. I think that's like a double win for sure. So I you've done a lot over the last decade, but what was it? Was there something that kind of kickstarted you to be like, oh, I have to definitely freight this idea of the next level woman and help women entrepreneurs or just women in general over 40 be like, no, there's something else here to life. What was the Kickstarter?

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Yeah, so to go back, I grew up in poverty in northern Nigeria. I mean, like I remember at age six, I had this question in my heart: why is it that people have food to eat, but we don't have food? Why are we struggling? And so those questions were on my heart, and I just wanted to be able to feed my mom and dad. That was my desire.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

At six at six years old, that was your desire.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

Yeah. Back in Africa at age six, you're already working, you're working on the street.

unknown 2:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

Yes. That's the extent of the love I have for my parents. And so that desire kick started my journey. So at the age of 25, I left for the UK to study. And so my journey has evolved. And so I got to age 40. I had divorced my husband at the time. And so I started asking myself like the questions that most people ask, right? Is this it? Am I meant for more? Is there more for me? And so all of those questions have led me to pursue my desires, my passion. I mean, one of my passions is to help women overcome their self-doubt because that was who I was. I doubted myself. I didn't believe success was possible for me. I always thought success was possible for other people, but not me. And so my journey has evolved, and all of the things I have learned along my journey, I want to teach other people so that they can see that a lot is left in life after 40. In fact, I believe that that's when life begins. You you discover who you are, uh, apart from just being the mom of Ivy, for example.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

Okay. So you're talking about Ivy, your your daughter?

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Okay. So your mom, how old is Ivy, if you don't mind me asking?

SPEAKER_02 4:09

I don't mind at all. She's six.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Six, okay. All right. So you're not quite an empty ester, but you've been on a heck of a journey. And so you you left Nigeria, you went to study in the UK. Where were you in the UK?

Midlife Questions And New Beginnings

SPEAKER_02 4:22

I was in London. So I studied in Middlesex University in the heart of London. I studied business IT, and it was just an incredible experience. And I stayed in the UK for 10 years before coming to Canada.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Okay. So big journey. Your parents still in Nigeria or are they with you now in Canada? Okay. So distance from family, you're striking out on your own, and you're wondering, okay, is there more to life now that I've hit my 40s? And I know a big part of that, at least from what I've read about you, is like friendship and community are very powerful tools to helping people be empowered. Why do why do you believe that sisterhood is so vital during midlife?

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Oh gosh, I like so vital. If you look at when we were early human beings, humans are meant to live in community. We thrive when we have a community of people. But somehow, because of how modern life has taken us to where we are now, there is that disconnect. Many people live solo lives. They try to run their businesses themselves or do lives by themselves. And so what I have discovered is with the power of community and support, you can actually achieve your goals faster with that support. And that's my mission right now to help women find friendship in midlife and to also find uh community, collaboration partners to take their businesses to the next level, or just to be able to do life with somebody else. And so, in my experience, certainly, the network I have built of high-achieving women has helped me to be more motivated on days when I doubt myself. They pull me up on days when I feel them. And so that's the power of community. And so my um I believe I am now an evangelist for community and friendship, especially in midlife.

Why Sisterhood Fuels Growth

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Yeah, I I agree 100%. It's so important to have your tribal people, people you connect with, people who can lift you up, or you can bounce ideas off of. I also know for a lot of people who are empty nesters, when the kids leave home, the friends that they had also leave their immediate circle because oftentimes they are the parents of their kids' friends. And so they're left wondering, okay, how do I how do I build community? And I'm I'm sure people who are listening are wondering, like, okay, after 40, how do you how do you even go about building a kind of an authentic growth-minded friendships that can support you both personally and professionally?

SPEAKER_02 7:13

Yeah, I love that question so much. And I am learning too, and I'm learning from my daughter. So I will take my daughter out to the park. She's six years old. And before I know it, she's talking to this stranger, a girl, another six-year-old, and she introduces herself and she says, Hi, my name is Ivy. Can we be friends? And in a space of 30 minutes to an hour, they're already hugging each other, and it seems like they've known each other forever. And I'm like, hang on a minute, you just met this person. How are you so skilled at making your friends? And so now I am learning and taking my cues from her. And I believe making friends is so simple because at the heart of it, we all we are all human beings. And so just connecting at that human level. If you meet someone for the first time, say hello, whether that could be in your local library or even in your grocery store. I have made friends in my grocery store. I see someone, maybe I compliment her hair and I say, Oh, that color looks nice again. And before you know it, we're smiling and we're exchanging numbers. So I want to keep it as simple as possible. It can be as simple as saying hello to somebody. Now, I'm not saying everyone you say hello to will become your best friend, no, but that's a good starting point because at the heart of it, every one of us would need the human connection. I was out one day and it was a homeless guy. I just said hello, good morning to him. And he said hello and good morning back. And you were so surprised that somebody would say good morning to him. And he ran after me and he said thank you. And I'm wondering why. That's the power of human connection. We all desire and we need that human connection. So I love to say just say hello to somebody. And if you are trying to build relationships online, I recommend attending virtual networking events. They have many free ones, and then from there you find your tribe.

How To Build Real Friendships

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Yeah, I that's such a great point, Joy. And I also appreciate I have a similar story of just chatting up a homeless man when I was working, living in New York when my early 20s, and I barely made anything at all. But I would see him as I got in the subway every day to go home, and I'd be like, Hey, Slim, and he'd be like, Hey, big guy. And like he was there most of the time, sometimes he wasn't. And usually, if I had anything at all, like I would just give it to him because it was like we built this impassing connection and friendship, and then he wasn't there. Like he disappeared. I didn't see him, didn't see him. And then it was, I don't even know, maybe a year or a year and a half later, my wife, who was at the time either just my girlfriend or my fiance, we were walking in the neighborhood near where the subway stop was, and he comes up to me. He's oh my god, big guy. And I was like, Slim. And he said, I just this I I saw you. I wanted to say hello. This is my girlfriend. We're back on our feet, we're doing really well. I just wanted to say thank you for being so kind every time you saw me and passed me by. There was few people who did that. So it reiterates what you're talking about, the human connection, and you can do that literally with anyone anywhere. So I love your story. I love that we had a story in common there as well. But I think it goes to like even the next level. When you're talking about sisterhood and accountability and wanting to achieve goals in life, how are ways that women can cultivate in that in their daily lives, whether it's personal or professional? Have you found a way to do that? And what's information that you can share with my audience?

SPEAKER_02 11:07

Yes, absolutely. I have built next level women because I was looking for a community and I didn't find that community. Now, I have been part of high-level masterminds to grow my business and they were amazing. But usually these masterminds would last six months and then it's over. And so I was craving that community of women to keep me accountable. Because even now, people say, oh, you're so confident, you're always so pumped up. That's not the case. There are many days I feel low, there are many days I don't even feel like getting out of my bed. But because I am building this community, these women pull me up. And so that's the power of finding your tribe. So I believe that in midlife, that's when people discover their purpose in life. That's when they start to pursue some dreams, whether that's building a business or changing careers, doesn't matter. But you need people to pull you up on days when you feel low. And there is an African proverb that says, if you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together. So finding a community of people who are all have the same goals is so crucial to helping you reach your goals. And so that's why I built this community because that is the same thing I was looking for for myself. I didn't find. And so I am building this community for women.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

I I love it. That community is important, and you're building one for people who are looking to elevate themselves. Now, is it just for people who are entrepreneurs, or is it open to even just somebody who's okay, I'm just looking for a community. I'm not an entrepreneur. I was a I was the primary caregiver at home, and I'm just looking for connection and friendship and the ability to be like, oh, I can have more in life or career or business, if it happens to be the case.

Accountability And Finding Your Tribe

SPEAKER_02 13:06

Yes, we've made it so inclusive so that you don't need to be an entrepreneur to join us because life can be so lonely. There are many things you cannot easily tell your friends, right? Especially when it comes to your ambitions or your goals in life, whether that's in your career or in your business. And so having a safe space where you can share your struggles and also share your wins for people to encourage you, inspire you to the next level. I think it's just everybody needs that. And you don't have to be in my community to find that. You can actually go online and search because you don't have to pay, right? There are many communities you can join. Um, but I know the value of community, and so I encourage people to find your tribe. Life becomes so much more joyful when you have people to go live with.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Yeah, I totally agree 100%. Now, on your journey, I know you talk about this a little bit, is like you had to overcome childhood trauma and poverty. How did that kind of shape the way that you work with women today?

SPEAKER_02 14:23

Well, I like it it drives what I do today because my life experience, I see that in so many other people. Maybe not childhood abuse, right? There is some form of trauma in a lot of people. It can be small trauma. So I'm not talking about let's say going through uh nasty wars or sexual abuse, it might not be as big as that. It might be something small that happened in our childhood that holds us back. Now, unresolved trauma has a way of holding us back from our full potential. And that held me back for so many years because I didn't feel like deserved success. And so now, even with my clients that I work with one-on-one, many of them come looking for a different strategy, for example. And then when we do the work, it wasn't about the strategy because I believe all strategies work. There is a reason why we don't achieve the success we want to achieve, and many times it goes back to an experience we had in our childhood. So my experience has helped me to empathize and understand where many people are coming from. And when we do the work and go back and uncover those experiences that hold people back and resolve those traumas now, sometimes it could be recommending a therapist, right? That could be an additional work that people have to do. But uncovering all of those childhood experiences that hold us back, I believe, is the first step in entering our next level, entering our goals, our dreams, what we desire for ourselves in life.

Trauma, Therapy, And Coaching

SPEAKER_01 16:05

That enjoy that's such an important point that sometimes people do need therapy and coaching together. Because therapy unlocks what may be holding you back, and coaching allows you to focus on moving forward. I'm I'm super curious. You mentioned, oh, success wasn't for me. You saw that way, right? That was a viewpoint you had for a really long time. When did it switch? When were you like, oh, you know what? Success is for me.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

Oh, it was a process. It it didn't happen overnight. So I I recognized that to get to my next level, I had to change who I was on the inside. Because the the woman I was from the past wouldn't be the woman to achieve the success I wanted in the future. So I stumbled on coaching and I realized that even though we have a programming that we come into life with or that we absorb from society, that programming can be changed. Like I never knew that there was something called neuroplasticity that we could actually change our thought process to get different results. That was an eye-opening the process for me, discovering that I could actually change my thinking so I could change my results. So it was a process of identifying all of those belief systems, all of those thoughts that made me think I wasn't worthy of success. And it was a number of things, like coming to London, the color of my skin, my accent, I didn't speak English well. All of those reinforced the idea that I wasn't deserving of success. So I had to rewire my brain to start to think differently, and I have to credit the work I did in the life group school. That's where most of the work happened for me for sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

Okay. So for the woman who's listening and she's feeling invisible and burnt out and stuck, maybe stuck even in survival mode. What's one practical step they can take right now? Like they could pause this podcast right now. They could take the step to start rewriting their story and stepping into their next level. What's one practical tip for them?

Rewiring Beliefs With Neuroplasticity

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Yes, one practical tip, and this is a tip that really worked for me, is finding evidence. Our brains like to see evidence. So I in the world, go find evidence of a woman who has been through what you've been through and they've come on the other side. That will show your brain that this is possible for you too. Once that part of your brain sees that it is possible, then you can start believing differently. So I want you to, if you need to pause the podcast, go pause the podcast, go find somebody who's struggling who struggled the way you're struggling right now and who got out the other side. Study their story and allow your brain to start believing differently. And when your brain believes differently, you're gonna create different results, you're gonna start acting differently, you're gonna start believing differently, and then that's how your actual physical results will change.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Yeah, folks, hot take. You don't have to pause the podcast. Joy herself is an example of what's possible. Exactly. Her story is an example of what's possible. So stay with us right here. Joyce, I'm I wanna know. You left, you said 25 when you left Nigeria to go to London to study. Okay. What was the driving factor that took you to London?

SPEAKER_02 20:20

The driving factor was understanding that there was a different world outside of my world, that there was something called human rights. In my country, there's nothing like you don't have any rights as a human being. Even the police, even the politicians, like the way life runs back home is completely different. And so when I started to learn that in the UK, in Canada and US, people actually respected people and you could be successful without knowing people. So where I come from, if you don't know someone or sleep around with people, you'll never be successful. So that idea of oh, success is possible if I work hard, for example, that was what drew me to the UK. And so I saved up. I worked for three years back in in my home country, saved up half my tuition to be able to enter the UK um to study, and it was just the best decision of my life. Even as a student working, I was able to send money back home to feed my mom and dad, and it was just the best feeling in the world.

Evidence-Based Confidence

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Okay, so then you're in you're in London for 10 years. How did that growth continue?

SPEAKER_02 21:43

It was tough. So yeah, in London, I like I had to work out jobs, so I would work in Mass and Spencer's as a real retail assistant during the day, and at night I was a security guard. Because those were the jobs I could get, right? But I was so determined to find a way. So I did that for a couple of years. While I was doing that, I was still seeking professional jobs because at this time I already had a master's degree in business information technology. But all of those struggles I feel built me into the woman I am today. And so I got a professional job in a bank, was so amazing, and then I just continued to grow and Like, I just give glory to God because a number of things happened. People showed up to help me that I just knew was a supernatural intervention. Because back in the UK, after studying, you had to find an employer to sponsor your visa. Right? So that was a huge challenge for me. And I was so blessed. The financial institution I was working at, they filed with the home office and gave me a work permit. And yeah, it's just been a journey of evolution for sure.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

Okay. And so then you set out and you said, okay, Canada, that's that's where I need to go next. What was the driving force to take you to Canada?

London Years: Grit And Breakthroughs

SPEAKER_02 23:18

It was my husband. So at this point, I I'd go married, but he so I got married. He came from Nigeria to join me, and he was so depressed in London. For some reason, even though he was working with Accenture at the time, uh, he was not just happy. And so I said, okay. We brought out the map of the world. I said, okay, where do you want to go? And he pointed and he said, Australia. And I'm like, oh, I don't really love Australia. I know it's super, super hot. Where else do you want to go? And then he pointed at Canada. I'm like, okay, let's go to Canada. And that's how we moved. So we moved in 2016. Uh this is nearly 10 years now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Okay. And so that's how you just by randomly picking a place on the on the map of the globe to say that's where we're headed next. Yeah. That's such an incredible story. And because it also highlights the, I think for people who are like, oh, I don't even know how to get out of my comfort zone and go visit another city in the US, even like a couple cities down. It's oh, you have to get comfortable with doing uncomfortable things, and you did just that. I think that's how that's elevated you to be like, oh, you know what? This is possible for everybody. This is possible for everybody. What's the biggest motivator in your life right now, Joy?

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Oh, it has to be my daughter. It has to be my daughter. And I feel like she's the best gift I have from God. And I want to show her what's possible if you believe. So I want my life to be a testament to her that it doesn't matter your background. If you desire success, you can achieve success. So that's my biggest motivator. After my daughter, it will be the women back home where I come from. I want to be a role model for them and I want to pave the way to say, doesn't matter the difficult circumstances you're going through. Because at the end of the day, sadly, even in 2025, girls are still being abused, sadly. So I want my life to be something they can look up to to say I can overcome if I believe keep doing the work, anything is possible for me.

Choosing Canada And Embracing Change

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Yes, so good, so powerful. I think it's such an important reminder for folks too. For people, especially in the US and possibly Canada as well, is like we have things pretty good in terms of where we are. Yes, it can always be better, but it could also always be worse for us, too. And I love that you show up as an example of what's possible for people who think that they can't be successful and that they don't know how to take the next step. So I'm curious, in your journey throughout the whole time that you've been doing things, what's one thing you've learned about yourself?

SPEAKER_02 26:14

I've learned that I can do hard things. I never used to believe I could do hard things, but now I have come to love and respect myself. And that took a while because I'll look in the mirror, I'll not look love what I see in the mirror, but now I have so much love and respect for myself. And yeah, it's just yeah, I'm just really blessed.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Yeah, it's such a powerful thought that I love and respect myself. Joey, have you ever thought about writing a book?

SPEAKER_02 26:49

I have.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

You have thought about it, okay?

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Yeah, I have. It's definitely in the works for me. Yeah, I feel like I don't have the I want to say the mentorship. I'm gonna seek a mentorship um to to write my book, yeah. But it's it's somewhere in the back of my mind.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

Yeah, your story is such an interesting one. I think it would be a fantastic read and and just another way for you to voice what you do and how you get the word out there to people. It's such an interesting and compelling story of really anything's possible in life when you become determined enough to go after what you want.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

Thank you so much for that. It truly means a lot. If you have any resources or any book coach you can send my way, I would really appreciate that.

Motherhood, Mission, And Role Models

SPEAKER_01 27:39

I'll take a look in my network and see what I have. Uh before before I let you go, just like one parting word of wisdom for people who may be wondering, I'm not sure I can do this.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

Yeah, I can tell you for a fact that you can do this. And I want to encourage you to start with self-acceptance, then self-love. I feel like when you truly love yourself, you will show up differently and you'll see how powerful you are. I'm a woman of faith, and I believe that God has blessed each and every one of us with gifts and talents, and it is our obligation to leverage all of those gifts and talents. So my words of wisdom would be learn how to love yourself, do the inner work to respect and love yourself, and you gotta see the world unfold for you.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

You heard it right here, folks. Do the inner work and watch the world unfold for you. Such a powerful statement. Joy, thank you so much for joining me today on This Emptiness Life, and I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

SPEAKER_02 28:47

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Thank you for listening to This Emptiness Life. Remember, this chapter isn't an ending, it's an invitation to redefine, rediscover, and reignite your life. If today's episode sparks something in you, don't forget to take that first step and visit thisemptinesslife.com and click work with me to get the conversation started. Until next time, keep your heart open, your mind curious, and your spirit shining. This Empty Nest Life is a production of Impact One Media LLC, all rights reserved.