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Just remember that embodying that energy is all about actively participating in your story. It's about pursuing what excites you, and it's also about being unapologetically yourself.

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Welcome to this Empty Nest Life where your next chapter begins. Join Jay Ramsden, the inspiring voice behind the Empty Nest Coach on TikTok and Instagram, as he leads you on a transformative journey through the uncharted seas of midlife and empty nesting. Here's your host, the Empty Nest Coach, jay Ramsden.

Speaker 1: 0:36

Hey there my Empty Nest friends. You know I've been thinking a lot recently about what it means to be an empty nester. So you raise your kids, okay. Maybe they're 16, 18, 22, 25, or somewhere in between or above, it doesn't really matter. Maybe there's even someone at home. You know those boomerang kids and maybe you still have one yet to launch.

Speaker 1: 1:00

So, no matter where you are in your journey, from the day that your kids were born until right now, they have been the main characters in your life. I'm going to say that again, they've been the main characters in your life. You know and this has been by design, right, they come first, and it's been your job to feed them and clothe them, to help them learn and grow, to teach them what's important in life and to also support them on their journey so that they're ready for life. That was your job. You, my friend, is what I've been thinking about. As parents, we're the supporting characters in our kid's story. Right, we play a supporting role and the truth is you probably were really, really good at being in that supporting role. I mean like Oscar-worthy good at that supporting role. And when your kids launched or are launching, wherever they are and they've gone, you know they're at home, they're at school or maybe they're off adulting already, but in some way you're still in that supporting role mentality. You're kind of just waiting to help them, you're waiting to support them. And I get that. I get that 100%. The hard truth is that why they still need you in their story. It's just not the same anymore. You're not in every story with them right now. They found other supporting characters in their story. They found other people who are a part of their world while they're out in the world and I know this might seem harsh, but it's the hard truth of what happens.

Speaker 1: 2:56

When you've done a really good job in your supporting character role, you make the star, the main character, shine. That's what supporting actors do. So what happens now? I mean you could still continue to be in that supporting character energy right. You could still certainly still be sitting and waiting for them to get you or give you a call back into their lives, or you could learn how to build your own main character energy, right.

Speaker 1: 3:30

There's a new story unfolding and guess what? You're cast in that lead role and the director wants you to shine. They want you to be the center of attention. You're the draw. Now I get it. Even the idea of putting yourself in the center of attention You're the draw. Now I get it.

Speaker 1: 3:45

Even the idea of putting yourself in the center of attention, that's a tough pill to swallow because it's just so foreign to you. Put myself first, right, no frigging way. That's just not possible. Those are the thoughts that people have. It's like that's not who I am, or it's not really who I want to be. But I'm curious. Really it's not possible. It's not possible for you to view yourself or your life as your own. Now your kids are off living their lives. It's time for you to do the same and I want to challenge you to think about that for a moment.

Speaker 1: 4:24

So recently I posted on social that I'm in the season of me. Now. I didn't post that to say, well, you know, I don't care about you or I don't love you kind of way. That's not what I mean at all, especially with you know, my bride or my family. But what I mean is it's more in a love and care for myself kind of way. And you could think I'm being selfish. I get that right. That putting others before yourself is one's calling in life as a parent. So it's just not possible to consider yourself before others. But guess what? No one else is going to put you first, only you. No one is going to come and cast you as the main character in their story. You have to do that for yourself. You have to choose yourself over others, and not in a selfish, greedy, gross kind of way. That's not what I mean, not in a way like I don't give a crap about anybody else, not in that way but more in a way that allows you to fill your cup, for you to do the things that bring you joy. Right. That's what happens when your cast is the main character. This, my friends, this is 100% available to you.

Speaker 1: 5:44

I'm not sure you realize that, and the reason, I know, is because I've done it for myself. I've done it for others in my work as a coach, and it took me a little while to get there. Right, I was the primary caregiver in my family. I called myself Mr Logistics, right, the homework, the groceries, laundry, carpools, breakfast, lunch, dinner. I was that kind of dad and I was always putting my family first, always. And here's what I've figured out. I'm still ready right now, even though the kids have launched. I'm ready to put my family first, but I'm not ready to wait to do that. I'm not sitting around waiting to do that. I'm not ready to wait to do that. Like I'm not sitting around waiting to do that, I'm putting myself first as the main character in my story, and then I jump in when needed. Can you see the difference there as opposed to waiting to jump in, opposed to doing your life and then jumping in when needed? Right, there's a difference there and you get to choose.

Speaker 1: 6:43

You get to choose. All right. So how do you build what I'm calling main character energy in your life? Well, it starts with recognizing your worth. Okay, it starts with recognizing your worth and stepping into your own narrative with confidence. Into your own narrative with confidence. This isn't dissimilar to actors who command their roles. You played the role of a parent for a really long time and at some point maybe you feel a little typecast in that. Right, we're going to make the most you can spotlight, embrace the spotlight of your own life story. Now, as an example, the legendary Viola Davis.

Speaker 1: 7:26

She once said the only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity, and what she's talking about here is the importance of seizing your moment. This is true for anybody. Right, seizing your moment and realizing the power that you have, the power that you possess. Right, seizing your moment and realizing the power that you have, the power that you possess. Right. When you realize you have this power within you, that builds main character energy, because then it means you are able to create opportunities for yourself. You spent a lifetime creating opportunities for your kids. Now it's time to create opportunities for yourself, and you do it, even if it feels uncomfortable at first for yourself. And you do it even if it feels uncomfortable at first. This is such an important point and it really is one that I reference often, especially in life, especially in this next stage of life. You have to learn. You don't have to. All right, let's be clear. You could choose not to. I'm highly suggesting that you learn to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and if you want more info on that, go ahead and check out episode 64. I've got a whole episode on just getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Speaker 1: 8:33

But as you start to cultivate this new main character energy, think about the elements that make a compelling lead actor right. A lead character in a book, a play, a novel, a story, a movie, tv show, whatever. They are often confident, self-assured and full of passion. It might not always start that way in these stories, but that's where they end up. Now one of my very favorite actors, denzel Washington. He once said Now one of my very favorite actors, denzel Washington. He once said acting is just a way of making a living. Why am I bringing that up if I'm talking about being the main character in your story? Well, he said acting is just a way of making a living. The family is life. Okay, so here's the tie-in that reminds us that, even as we pursue our dreams, you have to balance what truly matters, including our family, with that dream, with that goal, and the key here is that you prioritize your own ambitions while still being available for those you love and care for when they need it. It's this on-call mindset, but it's not a waiting around mindset.

Speaker 1: 9:44

Now, one of my favorite people in the world of personal development is Brene Brown. Right, if you don't know who she is, she's a thought leader kind, of, acclaimed for her insights on vulnerability and courage, and she says daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. Now, someone who embraces main character energy. Those folks are about saying yes to what elevates themselves, even if it means saying no to requests that drain your vitality, drain your energy. I know this might seem a little counterintuitive when you're a parent, but leaning into this idea of setting boundaries, it not only helps you grow, but it also allows those around you to choose how they want to grow in return. When you set boundaries, other people can do the same thing, or they can even see you setting boundaries and be like oh, I need to do that in my life as well. One last example Think of author Elizabeth Gilbert, who explores the journey of self-discovery in her book Eat, pray, love.

Speaker 1: 10:54

She reminds us, whether you are scared of not being good enough or you don't know how people respond to this new version of you, remember this you are not required to be perfect, you're only required to be you. Now, your journey in this next season of life doesn't have to be flawless. I'm not saying bring main character energy so that you're like perfect. It just needs to be authentically yours, yeah, authentically yours. It be authentically yours, yeah, authentically yours. How empowering is that thought. How can you live your life as authentically yours? All right, so what are the first steps? What comes next?

Speaker 1: 11:33

Well, you start by claiming your narrative, and that can be as simple as just setting aside time for activities you've put on the shelf, whatever that may be painting, gardening, cooking, pursuing that book you've always wanted to write, learning a foreign language, our passion projects. Those are where our main energy, our main character energy, starts to shine. If you think about it like Meryl Streep she's one, she's often says you know you're not in only one place, you're everywhere and your life can be that same way. You could have multiple layers to your life that are filled with excitement and self-exploration. Excitement and self-exploration are important takeaways here. My friends and I want you to lean into that idea of self-exploration. This is how you build your main character.

Speaker 1: 12:26

Energy is diving inside of you and saying what do I want, what do I want this part of my life to look like? So often it's modeled for us to know what it looks like to go to elementary school, middle school, high school, college, get married, find a job, find a partner right, that's all modeled, even retirement's model. But the time when the kids leave home in our mid-40s, early 50s, until retirement, whatever that may be, that's not modeled for us. You got to figure out what you want right now and get after it. Okay.

Speaker 1: 12:55

Next, surround yourself with supportive characters, so people who will be able to encourage you to go ahead and take the center stage. So you know, choose friends or mentors, anyone who's going to uplift you, show you the energy that you wish to embody. And also, don't hesitate to pull back from relationships that feel more like they're draining cameos for you than uplifting partnerships. Or you want to surround yourself with people who are going to have your back, who are going to show you the way, who are going to be people who are going to lift you up so that you can generate that main character energy. And finally, I think it's really important to make sure that you practice self-compassion. Okay, so, as you navigate this shift, it's okay to stumble and learn. It's one of my favorite phrases stumble and learn, because that's how it's going to be, right? You think of a little kid who's kind of walking? They stumble, they fall, maybe they get back up. They learn, right, so stumble and learn.

Speaker 1: 13:59

I think it's important to also just bring in one more quote here. Michelle Obama once said there's no limit to what we, as women can accomplish, and I just like to think of that as like there was. Literally. This applies to everyone. Right, your story is not just one of sacrifice as a parent, but it's also one of triumph and resilience and growth. Right, that's a repeated cycle of things that happen in our lives, especially as we're bringing up kids and as we're growing ourselves, but we forget that when we get to the emptiness stage. Right, you got to continue to do that. You got to have triumphs. You have to be resilient. You have to grow. You're going to stumble and learn. That's all part of the process. Don't forget that and don't give up on them.

Speaker 1: 14:44

I think it's also important for you to know like your story is unfolding. Right, it's your story now and it's bursting with potential. Literally, your story is waiting for you to step into the spotlight. So go ahead and embrace that inner protagonist. Don't shy away from it. Don't shy away from making your narrative as private, as vibrant and impactful as it can be like. Step into it and you may be wondering like okay, I get it.

Speaker 1: 15:14

Like, how does like even main energy, like main character energy? What does it even look like in practice? What does that look like, especially now, right as we're trying to embrace living in our 50s and 60s and beyond? Like, what is main character energy look like? And it's not. I don't want you to think that it's merely a mindset. Mindset is part of it, but it's also a way of living that allows you to find joy in your own story. You have a lot of joy in the story of your kids growing up. There's heartache there too, I know. I get that, but there was a lot of joy in watching them grow and learn and accomplish and achieve, but now it's time to find that joy in your own story. So, first and foremost, like main character energy, I think I think main character energy embraces adventure.

Speaker 1: 16:05

Now, there are lots of different types of adventure. I don't want you to get stuck in the thought that it has to be like this big, bold, amazing, incredible thing. When I say adventure, but when I think about the people how many people out there in their later years who engage in things that they never had a chance to do while raising their families Like for me that was climbing a mountain and hiking right but I think about like this vibrant community of empty nesters who travel the world, who explore new cultures and experiences and I get that that's tied to money. I don't want you to think that you have to do those things, but really just think about things that could be big and bold to you. What does that even mean? So here's an example right, take the example of there was a couple in their 60s, john and Kate, and they decided to sell their home and travel through Europe in a van, in a van, and they describe the exhilaration of kind of waking up each day in a new place and the exhilaration of creating memories and redefining what it means to truly live. Now they found that that adventure brought them closer. It allowed them to rediscover themselves not only as individuals but as a couple as well, but also kind of shed the self-identity of parents. They didn't stop being parents, all right, but they kind of found themselves in this new identity of people who do something really cool like that. And I mean, that's just an example.

Speaker 1: 17:43

There are others right. There's other ways of kind of bringing main character energy into your life, and I think lifelong learning is one of those. So there's lots of folks in the phase of empty nesting who they choose to go back to school. There's a social psychologist, ellen Langer, and she noted that people who engage in continual learning are more likely to maintain cognitive, verbal abilities too, but cognitive abilities as they age. So, for example, a woman named Margaret, she took a photography class after she retired and she spent her weekends capturing, kind of the beauty of nature all around her, and now she she showcases that work at local art fairs. It's a way to express herself creatively and it also gives her an opportunity to have meaningful conversations with new people right who come by and see her work and want to know more about her right. So meeting new people is kind of built into that, which is kind of cool.

Speaker 1: 18:49

And another way to kind of reclaim your main character energy is about reclaiming your health and vitality. All right, so this could look like signing up for a fitness class you've always wanted to try. It could be something like aerial yoga or dancing or, you know, hiking or running or swimming or anything that moves your body. Now there's this inspiring story of a 55-year-old man who, once his kids left home, he started training for a triathlon at 55. And he shared how pursuing the physical challenges kind of transformed his confidence and went a long way to improve his mental well-being. Now he wasn't just doing it for his health, he was also trying to craft a new identity as someone who embraces challenges rather than shies away from them. So I encourage you, as part of this journey, to embrace challenges.

Speaker 1: 19:45

I want to be clear, too, that one of the most pivotal aspects of kind of main character energy we were talking a lot about being this main character right is self-reflection and also establishing boundaries. So this means saying no to things that drain you and yes to things and opportunities that fill up your cup. So Oprah Winfrey once said that the more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. Okay, the more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. And this can be as simple as just creating a gratitude practice. I was reading recently about alpha energy, which is kind of where your brain is first thing in the morning between when you get up and when you really get going, and that's a wonderful time to do a gratitude practice because it takes into account everything you've accomplished. Right, you acknowledge that you accomplish the things and the joys you've experienced in life, however small they might be or however big they might be joys you've experienced in life, however small they might be or however big they might be. But that reinforces that inside your brain, especially when you're doing it in the alpha energy part of the day.

Speaker 1: 20:58

And then another opportunity for you, kind of looking for different things, is to engage with the community. And I get it. Some people are introverted, some people are introverted, but if you can engage with the community, it's another fundamental way to express kind of this energy that you're building. So it could be volunteering, joining clubs, participating in communal activities. So these types of interactions, they can literally invigorate your life, they can bring new blood into your life, this new feeling of like, oh yes, this is something I can do, this is something I can be a part of. And there's this story of a retired teacher who started a book club in her neighborhood and so by reading and then discussing the literature and the books with various people who decided to come, she not only was expanding her social circle, various people who decided to come, she not only was expanding her social circle, it also reopened her love for reading and for sharing ideas and for kind of going a little bit deeper into her brain. And this helped her foster connections that kind of filled her life with meaning and purpose. So being connected is another opportunity.

Speaker 1: 22:07

And, lastly, I encourage you to embrace an emotional journey, and what I mean by that, embracing your emotional journey is a vital sign. It's like key part of character, main character, energy. And it's important to acknowledge, certainly, that there's feelings of loss or insuredness during the transition, like that's totally normal. But I also want to remind you of something that Brene Brown says about vulnerability is that it's the birthplace of innovation and creativity and change. So sharing your story, even the messy parts, can forge a deeper connection with others and inspire them to do the same. And that's the incredible power in being authentic. Right, it is being open to the journey that you're going through and the things that you're experiencing. As we kind of step into this new phase in life, as you kind of step into claiming your main character energy in your emptiness life, just remember that embodying that energy is all about actively participating in your story, it's about pursuing what excites you and it's also about being unapologetically yourself. Right, your journey, my friends, it's unique. It is filled with potential and is literally never too late to redefine your narrative and your life.

Speaker 1: 23:35

Celebrate your chapters, big ones, the small ones doesn't matter. Celebrate them because you're now the main character in your story and I'm telling you. The audience, your community, the people in your life. They are eager, so eager to see how your story unfolds. All right, before I wrap up today, I just I want to invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. Each week, I share insights and tips that can empower you in your personal development journey. As an empty nester, visit wwwjasonramsdencom slash newsletter and you can get subscribed today. All right, your life, my emptiness friends, it's ready. It's ready for this next big premiere, so let's make it a blockbuster, okay? Until next time, stay curious, stay motivated and remember that the best is yet to come. Cheers, my friends.

Speaker 2: 24:29

Are you ready to start living and enjoying your empty nest years? If so, head over to jasonramsdencom and click work with me to get the conversation started. Let's make your life lighter, brighter and full of joy and purpose again. This Empty Nest Life is a production of Impact. One Media LLC. All rights reserved.